Relationships Are Messy
But they don’t have to suck.
We work with individuals, couples, teens,
and children… the people who make up a family.
Online Therapy for Illinoisans (we also currently serve
Wisconsin virtually) with In-Person Therapy in Homewood, IL
Dinner with those we love is supposed to be enjoyable.
There should be warmth, your family’s famous mac and cheese, and that mythical sense of belonging.
You wish for the version where you hear the kids laughing and playing, see your Dad pulling into the driveway after an emergency trip to Jewel for mustard, and then you all sit down to food, smile, and share history.
Instead, family time is stressful, even though it doesn’t show.
Self-doubt sets in as everyone else in the room seems to be enjoying themselves, laughing and making sarcastic comments to each other.
You join in at times but are still acutely aware of the pain from the past that keeps getting repeated.
Only you seem to notice the stress of what isn’t being acknowledged.
Why don’t we talk about the real stuff?
As you feign a smile, grit your teeth, and try not to say something that will upset anyone, a deep feeling of loneliness washes over you. It’s a physical reminder of a life spent feeling like no one really understands who you are and your feelings don’t matter.
The smiles and laughter seem genuine, but you also see people who need to discuss what matters.
You feel hopelessly alone in a room filled with people you love.
Then, a couple of hours later, it gets real for everyone.
After dinner and some drinks, the polite veil is lifted, and your uncle starts rehashing unresolved conflicts that haven’t seen the light of day until now, or a joke made by your father hits as an insult.
When you mention your concerns or point out the dysfunction, you are “being too sensitive,” or they say, “This is normal!”
You love your family and wish you could enjoy being around them.
But the thought of running away to a deserted island sounds perfect.
People talk all the time about how we are supposed to feel positive and be grateful for what we have.
Post after post on Instagram or Facebook about how “family is so important” and that “we should cherish family time.”
What the hell?! What about people actually making an effort to acknowledge and repair the hurts of the past instead of passive-aggressively (or aggressively) tearing each other down and pretending it’s not a big deal?
It feels like you are the only one that acknowledges the dysfunction in the family, and it’s very lonely.
We call bullshit!
It shouldn’t all be on you to carry the collective pain of the family. You deserve to feel like you belong and are valued.
People who grew up in families that made fun of each other without acknowledging the impact feel misunderstood or rejected. We can’t always count on others to step up to the plate and own the pain they’ve caused, but we can understand where all this comes from and learn ways to heal.
Holidays should be about being with people you feel safe with, not feeling stressed, and pretending that the history of pain doesn’t exist.
And the kids growing up now deserve a connected, supportive family that sees them for who they are, not who the family wants them to be. You can provide that.
Let us help you sort it all out.
You’re in the right place.
Relationships and life are hard, but neither has to be this hard. You can
live a life where you feel important to yourself, and you can accept the
love and admiration that others send your way.
You can expect to work with a therapist who values you as an individual and is
trained to help you have meaningful relationships and live your best life possible.
Contact Nexus Counseling for a FREE consultation now.
Hello, We’re Nexus Counseling Services.
We’re a group of authentic humans who are also trained clinicians.
Nexus Counseling Services works with individuals, couples, teens, and children… the people who make up a family.
Our goal is healthy individuals, healthy relationships, and healthy families. You will work with a therapist trained to build a strong relationship with you and support you in creating the relationships you desire and deserve. You will feel seen, heard, and valued.
Together, we will sort through the laundry bundles of your life, give them a nice gentle wash, dry them on the most eco-friendly setting, and fold everything into a more manageable and empowering experience.
Healthy relationships are the foundation for a meaningful life.
Commit to having the relationships you’ve always wanted. That should include a healthy relationship with yourself and with your therapist. You’re already on your way.